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December 17th, 2004

01:14 pm
feeling alot better..
im gonna to go shopping today with natalie and vinnie hopefully.. to the bramalea..
it snowed like a motherfucker last night.
and yeah, we're all gonna jam at ryans place tonight. from what ive hurrd.
i really need clothes..
contemplating the party..
i have drugs but for some reason im not indulging..
and i got paiiiiiddd last night BITCH! WHAT!
and im bored..

i put shit in my hair yesterday.

Current Mood: okayokay

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December 15th, 2004

06:31 pm - i hate christmas
so, yeah.
ive been sick with chicken pox for the past 3 fuckin days [ew] THANKS to ben. physically im not bad.. but i feel fucking miserable.
AND omfg i got strep throat today. cfdjklgkljdjg!!1!
.. so. it looks like im not gonna be going to save teh rave this weekend.
i can hardly fucking move! grrr!!!1

i suck.

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December 12th, 2004

04:05 pm
alot has gone on since i updated, liek holy shit. its been a good month, and ive been living in brampton. hahaha.. brampton

me and joe, well.. we broke up. i really dont know why it had to end like that.. but whatever i guess its for the better... liek i dont even want to talk about it maybe if i just shut everything out i'll be fine.

ive been working night shift at toys r us.. HAHAH/ its so ghey. im going insaaaane. all i can do is work and sleep, cuz its 9 hours shifts and whatnot.. i get friday and saturday nights off at least..

dreamweaver was meh.. i saw JJ at the party.. weird.. we ended up doin some blow after.. man the shrooms i had that morning were fucking PRIMO :D
missed hulla the other night.. just ended up dosin with a few friends.. same shit as every other weekend.. hah.
SAVE THE RAVE! next friday. and im getting paid. woo0ot!!1 then.. saturday is The Grinchs gift.. yeah im goin to both of em i dont care.. cmon.. skibadee, lemon d..etc.. whaaaaaa!! its gonna be one fuckin fun weekend ;D

UGH i have to work tonight and im SKETCHY as hell, and i havent slept yet.
this should be fun.
maybe i'll finish this later.

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November 14th, 2004

04:41 pm
Today you may experience the squeeze of family pressures keeping you from some planned exploration or heroic deed. There's no use trying to swim against the tide right now. Going with the flow is your best bet. Doing so may bring about some old issues from your unconscious that need to be explored. Unexpected feelings and past situations may get resolved when you demonstrate your flexibility

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November 13th, 2004

10:15 pm
want.. beer..
this fucking daquiri shit went bad and tastes liek garbage in my mouth.
joe got me a skert.. yeah its niiice. :) gunna wear it to dreamweaver.. yup yup

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November 12th, 2004

09:51 am
well yeha.. we're going back out anyways.
being single didnt last long. lolz. but im still moving out..
so my mom is going to let me stay there if i pay rent. which is ok. its too bad i lost my job.. and because the sauga/brampton corporation names are different than teh burlington/oakville pizza huts they cant hire me back for at least 6 months.
whatever.. i might have night shift at toys r us ;D
dreamweaver is comin up too!!1
anyways.. off to work for teh last time..

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November 11th, 2004

05:18 pm
it hurts so much to hear his voice..
i just want to talk to him..
i wish he could tell me he loves me..
i wish i could get a hug from someone, anyone..
i want to stop crying..
i wish i could take back everything that happened last night.. i really want to make this work..
i dont want to be kept wondering whats going to happen the next couple days.. i need to know.. if he needs time away then fuck, go right ahead.. i know i could make it work.. we could..
but if hes just gonna keep me on strings and make me go through hell and then say were done forever than this is a waste of time..
my last fucking hope for happiness..
almost diminished..
back to the form of a pill..
whatever happened to all those promises.... *sigh*
hes out with his friends.. im here by myself.. wishing i had my friends..
or him..
but i cant do much about this situation i have already tried.. this hurts so fucking much.. i fucking love him :(
im so emo.. and it sickens me..
anyways im off.. maybe i'll feel better tomorrow..

at least my friends miss me..

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11:09 am
i really cant take this.
im fucking stuck in burlington, and i want to see my friends.
its not fair..
i wanna have fun.. get fuckin high.. get my mind off shit.. it would make me feel so much better.. but i fucking cant because i have no car to get anywhere.
im gonna go see if my bank will let me have my fucking money already. liek fuck.
either way if me and joe end up going back out im still moving.. i have no choice..
but that.. i have to figure out too.. i dont have enough money saved either way, to even rent a room.. my banks fucking me over with my money too.. my parents dont want me to live with them..
and somehow i have to keep my fucking job. now this, is really going to piss off my manager, because im pretty much the only person whos responsible enough there, and i pretty much work most of the time by myself because of short staff. so hopefully they will get me transferred, but im probably just gonna get fired.
i dont even care anymore..
the only reason why i care about my fucking life is because of joe.

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01:23 am
whatever.. im a fucking retard..and its all my fault..
now he needs three days to think about the relationship..
so as of now i am single..
and i know, after those three days are up, he wont want to be together.. or maybe its just how i feel..
im so fucking scared. i love him to death.. and i wish this never happened.
the life im living is for him.. my whole life i devoted to him.. it makes me wonder if this is worth it..
im dying inside, and i cant sleep.. even the fuckin alcohol isnt helpping me out..
i never wanted this to happen, and i never wanted to feel like this..
im so fucking alone..
all i need is a hug..
someone to hold me..
i cant stop fucking crying..
and i wish i could just go over to him.. and smile.. and know everything will work out in the end..
but i dont know..
his is the last relationship i ever fucking have.. i wasnt even going to have a next relationship.. but i did with joe..
and i fucking give up.
i just wish he knew that i really do love him..

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October 30th, 2004

03:52 pm
ahh so sketchy yesterday..
so anyways.. work sucked, so much shit to do.. i worked till 11-7 so i could get out of there an hour early..
got to the party.. wasnt really feeling it at first.. we came in and the music kinda sucked at first.. the SMALL venue was getting packed.. i mean.. this venue was small! the 19+ area was bigger and there was hardly anyone in there compared to the front..
uhm, i forgot that you arent allowed smoking in venues anymore. ive only been to outdoor parties for the past 3 months. and well.. that really sucks for us smokers >:(
but meh, later on it started getting good.. so i danced the rest of the night..
i didnt think my feet could have handled being on them all day and night :P
so yeah.. maybe its just i havent partied in a long time... so it was meh..
i feel i didnt get my moneys worth.. it was actually 30 bux at teh door.

i have a cold. psh. fuckin rain.
i found out yesterday that my ex boyfriend from over a year and a half ago STILL has emails i sent him and shows his friends.. which are my friends.. lolz. who does that.
i find it kinda weird.. but ok.. whatever floats his boat.. hahah

yeah, so... im gonna go to teh next Dreamweaver on november 20.. hurah ;D

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